Why I’m not in “Grown Ups 2″: An article by Rob Schneider

rob schneider

Rob Schneider, star of many bad movies

Hey gang, remember me? Rob Schneider? You know, that guy from every Adam Sandler movie? Turn on your tv right now, go to Comedy Central. More than likely it will be playing “The Hot Chick”. Yep, that’s me.

Anyway, a lot of my die hard fans (they call themselves “schnei-hards”) will have noticed that I’m not in Adam Sandler’s new movie Grown Ups 2 despite the fact that I appear desperate to play in any movie projects that comes my way. Literally anything. Well, sorry to disappoint but I could not, in good conscience, appear in Grown Ups 2.

You see, just like Jim Carrey, said about Kickass 2, I feel that my movie roles mean more than simply playing a character on the screen for belly laughs. I have a responsibility as an influencer of pop culture to use my power for good. After Newtown, the Boston bombing, and Paula Deen, I couldn’t be a part of Grown Ups 2.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure Adam Sandler has shaped Grown Ups 2 into just the kind of awful, unfunny, scatological groan fest that I would – up until recently – kill to be attached to. Heck, I’ll probably plop down the ten bucks to go see it if somebody lets me borrow ten bucks (I’ll get you back, I promise). I had a blast making the first one and watching it do really well despite how objectively terrible it was. I can’t wait for Grown Ups 2 to do the same. In fact, if it does do well and thereby assures Adam Sandler’s career continues despite all logic, I’m totally game to do another project with him, especially if it pays me ten dollars or more.

As an actor of some note, I have managed to walk the fine line between celebrity and privacy. My wife and I just recently welcomed a child into our life and TMZ didn’t even ask for exclusive rights to the first pictures of the baby. But sometimes it’s important to use your larger star power as a vehicle for awareness. In this case, I plead with viewers to think of the crimes against humanity that are occuring daily in Syria while watching Nick Schwardson poop his pants in a movie you paid money to see. We can learn from this. Also, I’m sure Adam Sandler has like a charity or something so when you buy a ticket for this movie you’re probably giving money to charity or something. But again, I am NOT in this movie because I’m against genocide and even though one has nothing to do with the other, I think I owe it to the world to ask, “what if it does?”

grown_ups_two_xlg

Jesus, this movie looks bad

Until then though, I think it’s better to take my absence from the movie as a symbolic protest against mass shootings, or terrorism, or racism, or maybe something else. I think we owe that to the victims of our nation’s insane gun culture, or maybe to the victims of sexism, or something else entirely. Look, I’m not here to tell you WHAT you take my absence from Grown Ups 2 to mean, that’s up to you. It’s a free country. But just know, while you’re watching that movie and wondering how a movie with that many poop jokes got made, that I turned it down.

Oh, and immunization shots cause autism.

XOXO,

Rob

87 comments

  1. Jared Daniels

    Honestly… I did not even think about you Rob while enjoying this flick! Maybe because I saw your stand-up not too long ago and disliked within the first five minutes of it, so I decided not to watch the rest. Adam Sandler MADE you! I’m sure you guys got some personal stuff to work out but talking crap on him in a public forum is just bad form. Good luck to you and your career. It was once good… even without Adam. Except The Chosen One!

  2. igotpoopy

    How can any of you not realize how fake this is?
    I was lmao the entire time I read it. But I’m also baked out of my mind.

  3. Pcsantafe@hotmail.com

    I am agree with you Rob!! Adam Sandler’s sense of humor does not have any respect to the human race. He shows all kind of sexual perversions, etc. in his movies. He is nasty!!! I have a lot of respect for you!!

    • Geoff mod

      Rob plays a male prostitute in a couple movies! Adam sandlers movies are very clean cut compared to Robs.. oh and that’s not really rob Schneider you ignorant ass! Your a waste of life, etc lol

      • tony

        yes indeed rod play a prostitude role … but did you see any sex scene … no not at in his entire movie i never seen nasty sex scene all children love his movie and i do the same am a big fan of rob….. but that adam thuuuuuuuuuu he is a chick banger

  4. Heidi

    You should have done the film, the first Grown ups story line was funny and you and Sandler seem to have good chemistry.

  5. Bill B

    What a joke. Tell your fans the real reason why you didn’t do the movie. I bet the next movie you do is worse than grown ups two. With less of a plot and more try to make a person laugh moments. The truth is, Adam probably didn’t think you were worth the money you were asking for. Tell the truth you B list actor

  6. Jimm Garofalo

    But Rob,
    You’re contradicting yourself, you did a sequel for deuce bigalow granted the first one was pretty cool the second one was AWFUL (just MY point of view) anyways yes you’re an awesome actor but I think there was more behind it than just not wanting to do a second movie. Lol

  7. Justin smith

    Rob I think your a great actor and understand why you’re protesting. But I feel as a professional actor you owe it to your fans.its kinda like your quitting on them over personal issues.im not trying to talk down on you. I respect you as an incredibly funny actor.its just food for the thought.nice chat, take care.dont let nothing change what you do

  8. Sara H.

    Is he serious?!? That’s funny, because I swear I just saw him in a State Farm Insurance commercial…I wonder how that raises awareness to genecide and mass bombings?!? If anything, in a world full of these horrendous tragedies it’s nice to be able to see a light hearted movie and laugh…even when it’s about poop. Rob needs to quit being tool and get over himself!!!

    And, do your research, there are numerous studies showing that autism and immunizations are NOT related! Stick to what you know…commercial acting…and quit speaking about things you clearly no nothing about!!!!!!!

  9. Logan Fox

    Rob Schneider just dropped to the last notch on the respect scale. What an ignorant and moronic article. How disappointing. I’ve not ever been a “die-hard” rob schneider fan (does he even have those?), but an Adam Sandler fan always. Each and every film we’ve seen him in portrays him as a person. Laid back, funny, genuine, humble. The better part of America relate to him because of it and we appreciate loyalty and a belly laugh now and again. So being a Sandler fan, seeing Rob in every movie, we start to expect that in movies thereon after. I just watched grown ups 2 wondering where Rob would come in and I decided to Google why he wasn’t in this movie. I even thought that he’d maybe pop up in the credits.. so it was a tiny let down. Coming across this obscene article, i couldn’t be happier. The movie was so funny and family oriented, as expected, and we loved seeing so many familiar faces from the Happy Madison crew. Schneiders article is petty, jealous, mindless…like biting the hand that feeds you. Not sure if world issues was a valid opinion on his not taking part, or if he felt that veering the subject would cause distraction for his douchebag comments. If you truly feel that you can’t take part in a movie because elsewhere people are dying then you never should’ve done your first, second, etc. Am imissing something? those things have happened always and they will continue to. We might as well bring up 9/11?? Point is, there is enough bad in this world. If that is our sole focus we only add to that. Instead, we wait for the good adam Sandler movies to give us a good laugh, send the messages we needed, and spend some family time. Not sure what world you live in Rob, but you are no better than the rest of us. You should apologize to the people that have been good to you and write a new article.

      • Michelle

        This is a funny article, but fake. He did an interview and mentioned he wanted to stay home and be with his wife because they were having a baby. I posted the link to the article below. It also mentioned that he’s now back to his stand-up roots plus working on a new TV project.

  10. Aditya Ananth

    I don’t even know who you are but grown ups is one one of the best! Just cause a desperate failure like you scolds Adam on public ..doesn’t mean v will change our minds..Adam and grown ups rock!

  11. klepp0906

    Hilarious! Sure Im not the hugest fan of will Farrell, in your face type comedy. However I’m even less of a fan of the type of folks you reference.

    “Vaccinations cause autism” bwahah! Thanks for that tidbit. Just made my afternoon! Feminism rules btw!

    Anyhow, to be clear – you are all grossly overpaid. Even so (and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this) but ignore the haters. They do it just to do so or even worse because misery loves company.

    As they say, I’m sure rob is laughing his way to the bank.

  12. Jeanne 'Gardner' Reed

    This was the most ridiculous thing I have EVER read! And I loved Grown Ups 2 by the way. It’s a freaking movie! And none of it has anything to do with anything you said. It’s like you just listed every popular, highly media covered bad thing that has happened lately, got people riled up by pulling on heart strings, then tried to make yourself look “holier than thou.” You just lost a fan. Not that I was a “schnei hard.” I don’t think that’s really a thing… Sounds like something else you just made up.

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