Why I’m not in “Grown Ups 2”: An article by Rob Schneider

rob schneider

Rob Schneider, star of many bad movies

Hey gang, remember me? Rob Schneider? You know, that guy from every Adam Sandler movie? Turn on your tv right now, go to Comedy Central. More than likely it will be playing “The Hot Chick”. Yep, that’s me.

Anyway, a lot of my die hard fans (they call themselves “schnei-hards”) will have noticed that I’m not in Adam Sandler’s new movie Grown Ups 2 despite the fact that I appear desperate to play in any movie projects that comes my way. Literally anything. Well, sorry to disappoint but I could not, in good conscience, appear in Grown Ups 2.

You see, just like Jim Carrey, said about Kickass 2, I feel that my movie roles mean more than simply playing a character on the screen for belly laughs. I have a responsibility as an influencer of pop culture to use my power for good. After Newtown, the Boston bombing, and Paula Deen, I couldn’t be a part of Grown Ups 2.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure Adam Sandler has shaped Grown Ups 2 into just the kind of awful, unfunny, scatological groan fest that I would – up until recently – kill to be attached to. Heck, I’ll probably plop down the ten bucks to go see it if somebody lets me borrow ten bucks (I’ll get you back, I promise). I had a blast making the first one and watching it do really well despite how objectively terrible it was. I can’t wait for Grown Ups 2 to do the same. In fact, if it does do well and thereby assures Adam Sandler’s career continues despite all logic, I’m totally game to do another project with him, especially if it pays me ten dollars or more.

As an actor of some note, I have managed to walk the fine line between celebrity and privacy. My wife and I just recently welcomed a child into our life and TMZ didn’t even ask for exclusive rights to the first pictures of the baby. But sometimes it’s important to use your larger star power as a vehicle for awareness. In this case, I plead with viewers to think of the crimes against humanity that are occuring daily in Syria while watching Nick Schwardson poop his pants in a movie you paid money to see. We can learn from this. Also, I’m sure Adam Sandler has like a charity or something so when you buy a ticket for this movie you’re probably giving money to charity or something. But again, I am NOT in this movie because I’m against genocide and even though one has nothing to do with the other, I think I owe it to the world to ask, “what if it does?”

grown_ups_two_xlg

Jesus, this movie looks bad

Until then though, I think it’s better to take my absence from the movie as a symbolic protest against mass shootings, or terrorism, or racism, or maybe something else. I think we owe that to the victims of our nation’s insane gun culture, or maybe to the victims of sexism, or something else entirely. Look, I’m not here to tell you WHAT you take my absence from Grown Ups 2 to mean, that’s up to you. It’s a free country. But just know, while you’re watching that movie and wondering how a movie with that many poop jokes got made, that I turned it down.

Oh, and immunization shots cause autism.

XOXO,

Rob

112 comments

  1. Jared Daniels

    Honestly… I did not even think about you Rob while enjoying this flick! Maybe because I saw your stand-up not too long ago and disliked within the first five minutes of it, so I decided not to watch the rest. Adam Sandler MADE you! I’m sure you guys got some personal stuff to work out but talking crap on him in a public forum is just bad form. Good luck to you and your career. It was once good… even without Adam. Except The Chosen One!

    • phillip bean

      i use to think rob shneider was funny now i think hes a deusche bag moron that whole article made no sense your telling me cause the world is a shitty place we arent allowed to laugh well fuckk you buddy the world has always been a shitty place they have been offing each other in records in syria for years and years and years that dont mean i cant laugh at a poop joke

      • Event City

        Are all of you really that lame!?????? Do you really think Rob Schneider wrote the above article? Put down the fucking drugs, take an Advil and sleep for a week, then you might have a slight grip on reality. Jesus some people really don’t have a clue!!

    • Event City

      Hey Jared, for the record, Rob DID NOT WRITE THAT ARTICLE ABOVE, it is nothing at all, in any way shape or form, that he would say. Even just the style is not how he would say it. Get a grip!!

  2. igotpoopy

    How can any of you not realize how fake this is?
    I was lmao the entire time I read it. But I’m also baked out of my mind.

    • Wil

      BRO!! HaHa! The lack of intellect is Disturbingly obvious!! I was thinking the same thing!! How could someone think this is serious? More than that, how scary is it that they can vote?!?

  3. Pcsantafe@hotmail.com

    I am agree with you Rob!! Adam Sandler’s sense of humor does not have any respect to the human race. He shows all kind of sexual perversions, etc. in his movies. He is nasty!!! I have a lot of respect for you!!

    • Geoff mod

      Rob plays a male prostitute in a couple movies! Adam sandlers movies are very clean cut compared to Robs.. oh and that’s not really rob Schneider you ignorant ass! Your a waste of life, etc lol

      • tony

        yes indeed rod play a prostitude role … but did you see any sex scene … no not at in his entire movie i never seen nasty sex scene all children love his movie and i do the same am a big fan of rob….. but that adam thuuuuuuuuuu he is a chick banger

    • George Lopez

      Tell me how much have u contributed to any of these causes? Im sure u spent money on some want rather than donating to any type of organization so how can u agree with any of this non sense. I respected him until this and you sir/mam get 0 respect even without knowing you, good day.

  4. Heidi

    You should have done the film, the first Grown ups story line was funny and you and Sandler seem to have good chemistry.

  5. Bill B

    What a joke. Tell your fans the real reason why you didn’t do the movie. I bet the next movie you do is worse than grown ups two. With less of a plot and more try to make a person laugh moments. The truth is, Adam probably didn’t think you were worth the money you were asking for. Tell the truth you B list actor

  6. Jimm Garofalo

    But Rob,
    You’re contradicting yourself, you did a sequel for deuce bigalow granted the first one was pretty cool the second one was AWFUL (just MY point of view) anyways yes you’re an awesome actor but I think there was more behind it than just not wanting to do a second movie. Lol

  7. Justin smith

    Rob I think your a great actor and understand why you’re protesting. But I feel as a professional actor you owe it to your fans.its kinda like your quitting on them over personal issues.im not trying to talk down on you. I respect you as an incredibly funny actor.its just food for the thought.nice chat, take care.dont let nothing change what you do

  8. Sara H.

    Is he serious?!? That’s funny, because I swear I just saw him in a State Farm Insurance commercial…I wonder how that raises awareness to genecide and mass bombings?!? If anything, in a world full of these horrendous tragedies it’s nice to be able to see a light hearted movie and laugh…even when it’s about poop. Rob needs to quit being tool and get over himself!!!

    And, do your research, there are numerous studies showing that autism and immunizations are NOT related! Stick to what you know…commercial acting…and quit speaking about things you clearly no nothing about!!!!!!!

  9. Logan Fox

    Rob Schneider just dropped to the last notch on the respect scale. What an ignorant and moronic article. How disappointing. I’ve not ever been a “die-hard” rob schneider fan (does he even have those?), but an Adam Sandler fan always. Each and every film we’ve seen him in portrays him as a person. Laid back, funny, genuine, humble. The better part of America relate to him because of it and we appreciate loyalty and a belly laugh now and again. So being a Sandler fan, seeing Rob in every movie, we start to expect that in movies thereon after. I just watched grown ups 2 wondering where Rob would come in and I decided to Google why he wasn’t in this movie. I even thought that he’d maybe pop up in the credits.. so it was a tiny let down. Coming across this obscene article, i couldn’t be happier. The movie was so funny and family oriented, as expected, and we loved seeing so many familiar faces from the Happy Madison crew. Schneiders article is petty, jealous, mindless…like biting the hand that feeds you. Not sure if world issues was a valid opinion on his not taking part, or if he felt that veering the subject would cause distraction for his douchebag comments. If you truly feel that you can’t take part in a movie because elsewhere people are dying then you never should’ve done your first, second, etc. Am imissing something? those things have happened always and they will continue to. We might as well bring up 9/11?? Point is, there is enough bad in this world. If that is our sole focus we only add to that. Instead, we wait for the good adam Sandler movies to give us a good laugh, send the messages we needed, and spend some family time. Not sure what world you live in Rob, but you are no better than the rest of us. You should apologize to the people that have been good to you and write a new article.

      • Michelle

        This is a funny article, but fake. He did an interview and mentioned he wanted to stay home and be with his wife because they were having a baby. I posted the link to the article below. It also mentioned that he’s now back to his stand-up roots plus working on a new TV project.

    • Franc Alves

      Man I feel like a jackass for believing that. Please everybody. Ignore my previous comment.
      I stand corrected.

  10. Aditya Ananth

    I don’t even know who you are but grown ups is one one of the best! Just cause a desperate failure like you scolds Adam on public ..doesn’t mean v will change our minds..Adam and grown ups rock!

  11. klepp0906

    Hilarious! Sure Im not the hugest fan of will Farrell, in your face type comedy. However I’m even less of a fan of the type of folks you reference.

    “Vaccinations cause autism” bwahah! Thanks for that tidbit. Just made my afternoon! Feminism rules btw!

    Anyhow, to be clear – you are all grossly overpaid. Even so (and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this) but ignore the haters. They do it just to do so or even worse because misery loves company.

    As they say, I’m sure rob is laughing his way to the bank.

  12. Jeanne 'Gardner' Reed

    This was the most ridiculous thing I have EVER read! And I loved Grown Ups 2 by the way. It’s a freaking movie! And none of it has anything to do with anything you said. It’s like you just listed every popular, highly media covered bad thing that has happened lately, got people riled up by pulling on heart strings, then tried to make yourself look “holier than thou.” You just lost a fan. Not that I was a “schnei hard.” I don’t think that’s really a thing… Sounds like something else you just made up.

  13. Franc Alves

    Ok I know this article is old and my reply is somewhat late.
    Ok it’s freaking bloody late.
    But after reading this article and coming to the conclusion that this may actually be Rob Schneider himself I am actually on his side.
    Let me give you guys my relatable example to all this:
    I recently was employed with a certain person who I got a lot of experience with this certain software. But this certain person was the epitome of douchyness. I mean his main form of communication was screaming, he had tasteless humour, had a drinking problem and I could see his business wasn’t that organized either. So I expressed my concerns with a letter and he told me to my face his business was more important than my personal life.
    Result? I started looking for a job elsewhere and told him to piss off after I got one.
    6 months of working without a contract, hearing nonsense after nonsense and enduring the insults, screaming and utter bullshit.
    Now as for Mr. Schneider here he has done something more honorable than what I would:
    Notice that somebody with half a brain here could read some indirect accusations against Mr. Sandier however, what are the indirect accusations?
    Tasteless humour? Lately yes.
    Not using funds for charitable purposes? Although Sandler has the right to not give it does raises questions on what type of person he may be.
    Lack of creativity? Oh yeah. Definetely.
    And Schneider could have just sought other studios to do his stuff, but what did he do rather? Stayed at home with his family and rather concentrated his life with serious current affairs.
    What’s so bad about that? Come on people. Lift the veil off your eyes. Would you rather choose to continue to be a part of something currupt, even tough you’re reaping benefits off from it, or would you rather do what your conscience tells you to do?
    I am not fan of Rob Schneider however I did find some of his movies funny, but after this article I think it may have made a fan out of me.
    So let this reply be a sort of nod for Mr. Schneider and a appeal to Mr. Sandler to do better. That is all. Adam Sandler is by far not the worst actor, and his comedy is definitely not the worst either.
    But the point is, it could be better. It could have better quality such as “The Wedding Singer”, and “Click”. I think “Click” was the last great thing he ever did.
    Anyways. Good one Rob! Keep it real.
    Amen.

  14. jenny

    Adam sandler made you without him how many movies would you accually be in huh ? Adam will always be funny I love all his movies could watch them over and over again . Witch I defiantly can’t say the same about your’s jealous much ? The world needs laughter especially in as messed up as it is .

  15. dayna

    I don’t personally know him but I know my sister does. My sister and her husband actually had dinner at his house for thanksgiving. Regardless of your views or opinions at least he is making a stand for what he believes in and that in his profession can ruin his career but he still chose to make a stand so who is anyone to degrade him for this

    • Makayla

      I just want to say it really doesn’t matter at all. Who the flip cares they are making a grown ups 3 and rob is suppose to be in it and I cant believe most people actually think this is him you know celebrities don’t post things themselves there people do. I’m really on nobody’s side I loved both of the movies and they where both funny. So all the people who was on robs side cussing towards other people who was on Adams side are the stupid ones. They are both funny actors and no matter what people say about adam I’m pretty sure the only reason why rob is a big famous star like he is now is probably because of Adam. And that’s just my opinion so he’s probably not so who cares about this whole stupid thing I’m just say people who are robs side are pretty stupid AND AGAIN THIS IS JUST MY FREAKING OPINION

    • Jeffrey bob Allen

      I am the smartest person alive. You gonna give me shit because I believe it. I have the right to believe it. And I have the right to feel safe. And to you people who are reading this and think I am off my nut, your the ones reading something I wrote half-asleep. Btw for a bloke, I think Rob Schneider was pretty hot in the Hot Chick

      • Jeffrey bob Allen

        Now once again I’m replying to my own comment. Just because I am doing this doesn’t mean that I don’t have a life, simply means that I can’t remember how to post a new comment. But someone will be thinking that I don’t have a life, so I’ll have you know that I have a beautiful girlfriend, a great relationship with her, an awesome family and a great group of friends, I’m abstinent, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, i don’t do drugs I’m practicing at a gym to be a MMA fighter learning Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. A simple life yet so worth living. So up yours haters

  16. Megan

    This is insane…him not being in the film….didn’t do anything but disappoint some fans (like myself). His entire article really makes no sense at all…What an idiotic decision. But yet you were in a movie that was FREE I recently tried to watch…that was so bad, I didn’t make it past the first few minutes….Not very good career choices!

  17. Naomi Singh

    I sense quite a fair bit of sarcasm in this. A lot of that sarcasm the ravenous pack of dogs below i dont think did or want to understand. I love most your your work, and I love most of Adam Sandlers work. But im sure that doesn’t mean conjoining movie hips for the pair of you.

    But seeing this was written about a year or two ago now, and you are still working with Sandler, per your upcoming movies, it can’t be that bad.

    The world is a shitty place for a number of reasons: killings everyday in Syria, radicalisation and terrorism, kids being stabbed in the streets all around the world, gang and gun culture and the piece of shit media; who would rather publicise attention hungry reality whores over men who fight to make this world a safe place for children and their families. You will not escape it. If it not one of these issues, a new one arises. Another pandemic will be next, maybe?

    Sometimes a few poop and fart jokes can take our minds away from our real worlds, just to keep us sane. An escape from our own worlds for an hour or so. It’s a little bit of hope, that there are people out there working hard to put smiles on our faces, regardless of what situation we’re currently in.

    I suffer from extreme anxiety and depression. Half my life is spent full of fear and anger, the other is hate and resentment that i feel this way about myself. I escape that by watching movies; alot of them happen to be “Schnidler” movies and having that belly laugh makes me forget for a little while. It feels good.

  18. Syringe

    Reading this article, I have realized two things:

    1) It’s fake

    2) The world is full of gullible morons. It’s no wonder someone like Michael Bay can make so much money catering to these simplistic thinking fools.

  19. Trish Vance

    Yeah shit happens! Life goes on and we have the ability to something about it then sit around and criticize talented people like Adam Sandler! Rob Schneider, you are not that great! I’ve seen a few of your movies (not with Adam’s influence); but you suck! You ought to be greatful that he considered you! You must be a really LEFT WING LIBERAL! Get off your high horse and enjoy making people laugh without having to criticize your friends that’s had your back!

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