Why I’m not in “Grown Ups 2″: An article by Rob Schneider

rob schneider

Rob Schneider, star of many bad movies

Hey gang, remember me? Rob Schneider? You know, that guy from every Adam Sandler movie? Turn on your tv right now, go to Comedy Central. More than likely it will be playing “The Hot Chick”. Yep, that’s me.

Anyway, a lot of my die hard fans (they call themselves “schnei-hards”) will have noticed that I’m not in Adam Sandler’s new movie Grown Ups 2 despite the fact that I appear desperate to play in any movie projects that comes my way. Literally anything. Well, sorry to disappoint but I could not, in good conscience, appear in Grown Ups 2.

You see, just like Jim Carrey, said about Kickass 2, I feel that my movie roles mean more than simply playing a character on the screen for belly laughs. I have a responsibility as an influencer of pop culture to use my power for good. After Newtown, the Boston bombing, and Paula Deen, I couldn’t be a part of Grown Ups 2.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure Adam Sandler has shaped Grown Ups 2 into just the kind of awful, unfunny, scatological groan fest that I would – up until recently – kill to be attached to. Heck, I’ll probably plop down the ten bucks to go see it if somebody lets me borrow ten bucks (I’ll get you back, I promise). I had a blast making the first one and watching it do really well despite how objectively terrible it was. I can’t wait for Grown Ups 2 to do the same. In fact, if it does do well and thereby assures Adam Sandler’s career continues despite all logic, I’m totally game to do another project with him, especially if it pays me ten dollars or more.

As an actor of some note, I have managed to walk the fine line between celebrity and privacy. My wife and I just recently welcomed a child into our life and TMZ didn’t even ask for exclusive rights to the first pictures of the baby. But sometimes it’s important to use your larger star power as a vehicle for awareness. In this case, I plead with viewers to think of the crimes against humanity that are occuring daily in Syria while watching Nick Schwardson poop his pants in a movie you paid money to see. We can learn from this. Also, I’m sure Adam Sandler has like a charity or something so when you buy a ticket for this movie you’re probably giving money to charity or something. But again, I am NOT in this movie because I’m against genocide and even though one has nothing to do with the other, I think I owe it to the world to ask, “what if it does?”

grown_ups_two_xlg

Jesus, this movie looks bad

Until then though, I think it’s better to take my absence from the movie as a symbolic protest against mass shootings, or terrorism, or racism, or maybe something else. I think we owe that to the victims of our nation’s insane gun culture, or maybe to the victims of sexism, or something else entirely. Look, I’m not here to tell you WHAT you take my absence from Grown Ups 2 to mean, that’s up to you. It’s a free country. But just know, while you’re watching that movie and wondering how a movie with that many poop jokes got made, that I turned it down.

Oh, and immunization shots cause autism.

XOXO,

Rob

36 comments

  1. Gianna

    This sounded like the ramblings of a person that is off their medication. It absolutely did not make any sense.

    • jamesonstarship

      Yes. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Rob Schneider never even took medication in the first place. When he sent me this article, my first reaction was like “Are you sure?” but as a journalist you learn to let the SUBJECT dictate, not the other way around. I’m glad you picked up on this not making any sense, that takes a keen eye.

    • jamesonstarship

      Blind people are actually much BETTER at discerning this bunch of sour grapes. When you lose the ability to see, your other senses “wake up” and become sharpened to the point of being able to, literally, TASTE the sour grapes, or so the scientific literature says.

      • Anon

        I think relating “Gun culture” to this is dumb. I do agree about every thing else. I have a God given right to protect my family, and my property, how can I do that with a Fucking Broom? or a Knife, when the criminal that broke into my house doesn’t really care about laws or if having a Gun is unlawful. I am a 3rd generation Combat Marine, and I saw first hand what our “Government” is capable of. I was apart of the Spec. Ops. team that assassinated Pablo Escobar, and his family. We then took his body to the Columbian Police, so that they could claim credit, and establish a meaningful role in Law enforcement. I then quickly realized that we were just pawns. We confiscated over 3 tons of pure uncut Cocaine, as we were about to burn everything as per our orders, all of a sudden the CIA roles up with contract Merc’s, and “Asked” for it. We drew down on them, and quickly received a call from a Colonel in San Diego, demanding we release the Coke to the CIA. I put a tracker on it, and tracked it to Dallas, from there…..Dealers. Don’t you think it was very strange that Seymor dies from “Ace of Spades” Heroine? Then the Fed’s track down every single one of his dealers? Where are those dealers now? That “Ace of Spades” is directly from Afghanistan, my Brother was an Airborne Ranger “Guarding” that field. So back to the “Gun Culture” these false Flags incorporate animosity, which again, was designed by…..CIA, for one purpose, to pit us against each other. What do you think will happen, when all the Guns are taken from Law abiding citizens? Do you honestly think that it will stop there? I still have top secret clearance, I have seen those plans, and let me tell you, it involves the enslavement of everysingle Human being on the face of this planet. The Georgia Stones, are not only a rule set, but also a warning to people, that this is the plan. To deplete the Earth’s population from the current 8 billion to 500 million….how can they do that when we are armed?

  2. Pingback: GROWN UPS 2 | AnalyzeThis
  3. GiGi Jefferson

    Just saw Grown Ups 2 today and Rob….. I have to admit I missed you in it! It is funny, goofy, weird, disgusting, repulsive and stupid at times but counting the time it took for snack gathering, potty break and the movie it was a total of two hours of just kick back, relax and enjoy fun with grandkids without reading much more into it except a few great hours of fun. Figure there will be a Grown Ups 3 and hopefully with the Good Lord willing I will be here to enjoy another goofy afternoon with my grandkids and you will have a change of heart and just love letting your hair down, chill out and join the fun again.

  4. AJ Kalander

    I have been a long time fan of Adam Sandler and basically everyone associated with him, including Rob Schneider. I also missed Rob Schneider in this movie and hope to see him more in the future. Adam Sandler is a huge star, I believe, because of two reasons. 1) He is known to be a good person and have good character, which is not something that can be said of many in his profession. 2) Although his movies can, at times, be juvenile, they make you laugh, make you think, teach some type of life lesson, have a happy ending and have the ability to make everyone feel that, no matter who they are and where they come from, that they can accomplish what they would like to do in life.

    Rob, I hate to admit it, but in this letter, you sound a little bit jealous and negative. Also, you have to remember that a lot of what you have done, was with help from Adam. I would think you would have more of a grateful tone to your letter instead of the somewhat demeaning tone that you have. By the way, I think Grown Ups 2 was far from unfunny; it was hilarious!

  5. Chris Barnes

    I am sorry. I do not take this seriously. These guys are all comedic geniuses. This seems like an inside joke between great friends. AND/OR to give bloggers what they want to hear – juicy bickering in Hollywood (It is like Team Adam and Team Rob). He did not disrespect Adam at all if you really read it closely. It pokes fun of the fact that this entire pack of friends is making money off of nonsense movies.

  6. Shea L McGrath

    I assume, as this movie hits the pay channels, this question will be revisited, so here we go…
    It wasn’t supposed to make any sense, hence reflecting the idea of appearing in a second bomb. I understood it completely, (And take my meds, exactly as prescribed) Tho I do have two words, “European Gigolo,” That was more than a decade ago, and occasionally we grow from our mistakes.
    Ironic the movie is called, “Grown Ups 2…” as having a baby will do that to ya. I totally get it Rob, the people who were meant to comprehend your response, will as well.
    I have seen it, I missed ya, you’d of made it tolerable…you don’t need A.S. and in all actuality, might have had a completely different “Kind,” of career had you not gone down that road, but NONE of the movies we adore, would have been “Adored..” without ya, so- double edged swo-… (50 First Dates?? KILLED it!!)
    I myself, will gladly lend you the $10.00, however a couple of Valium go for about the same, I’d suggest that route.
    Proud of ya Rob. When you hear the word: “Terrific,” at the beginning of a movie now, get ready to have your intelligence insulted.. I’m also against; Entertainment Exploitation, how long can one’s career live off of Billy Madison? And I think all YOUR money went to pay back the entire Godfather Cast, Adam obviously made THEM all offers they couldn’t refuse, instead of paying his “Loyals,” what they deserve (to be in another horrendous piece of shit.)
    Note to A.S: “This is the End,.. ” “21 Jump Street,…” “Paul,..” etc. Welcome to actual BELLY LAUGHS, IE: the 2000′s.
    XO- Shea
    P.S. Will Ferrell & Adam McKay Productions would like you to return their calls please…

  7. alishia

    I absolutely love this movie and every other one of Adam Sandlers movies! Not sure what Robs real issue is. Grant it its not the same with out him.. but it is still a great movie.. I can’t wait for Adam’s and Drew Barrymore’s new movie comes out!

  8. Pamela Wade

    I did miss Rob in Grown Ups 2. These movies are benign and are suppose too take our minds off the chaos going on in the world for a few hours. There are a lot of movies being made that are more violent and you pay the same price for a ticket. The nightly news, 20/20 any coverage of what is going on politically is enough for me to want too watch something that makes no sense. I use too watch I love Lucy and lmao. A house wife who lied and a husband that was controlling. It is a movie …lighten up.

  9. Lezlye Parker

    Hey, maybe he wanted that time for his family. Maybe he had personal reasons he does not wish to make public. I lmao at the 2nd movie, but I did notice. I’m here ’cause I was curious. Congrats to you and your wife; hope to see you on the big one soon.

  10. Lezlye Parker

    Ok. I just read that indeed he wanted more money and he’s tired of being the stooge to A.S.’s genius. I thought that’s what comedian’ s did. Where would you be, Rob? WHO KNOWS?

  11. Todd

    Wow what a bunch of whiny crap. I not saying the mass shootings terrorism and so on aren’t horrific things but you turning down Grown-ups 2 in protest is a bunch of malarkey. If you didn’t want to do it you should have just said that instead of insulting our intelligence.

  12. Kristin

    The man who made The Animal, The Hot Chick and Duece Bigalo 2 has the audacity to say he doesn’t just accept roles for a belly laugh from the audience?! Seriously? Maybe he’s right…because none of the movies listed above were funny. Instead of worrying about the new comedians making their way into Adam Sandler’s inner circle that will accept roles where they will crap their pants, maybe egotistical, dilusional leeches like Rob should be doing all they can to cling to those types of roles. He’s played a hillbilly farmer who’s main line was, “You can do it!” and an illegal immigrant delivery guy. Not really Oscar worthy stuff. Does anybody remember Rob’s last dramatic role? No? At best he plays a character that craps his pants. He’s clearly either off his meds or just trying to be so insane he thinks it’s funny. He should be so lucky to continue to ride Adam Sandler’s coattails. While most of his movies haven’t done well in the theaters lately, the money earned afterwards more than makes them profitable. That’s why he still has studio backing. Don’t see Rob with a signed deal with any studio…

  13. Carl1476

    I like Big Stan with Rob Schneider with the late David Carradine playing his master in it that was funny also liked him in Down Periscope where played an uptight Officer that wasn’t made by Adam Sandler neither was Big Stan.

  14. cassie

    fake statement/not fake statement – either way, no real answer was given. saying a bunch of stuff and hoping someone will be like, yeah rob, i totally get it! not gonna work. neither is dancing around a real reason. nice try though!

  15. John Napier

    Well rob I have to say you were missed in this movie , and opinions are like assholes. I thought it was great, but you do make movies. So if there is a grown ups three you gotta do it. Everybody knows you for your comedy and that’s what we all fell in love with. I do agree of broadening horizons change can be great just don’t forget where you came from rob. Hope you have a change of heart or mind which ever it is that you’ve lost along the way. John Napier WV.

  16. Jerrad

    Can’t blame for skipping Grown Ups 2. That movie was horrible. Didn’t expect it to be as good as the first, but I didn’t expect it to be trash either.

  17. alicia

    Your such an asshole. How can you bash a movie like that , if u had no intrest in being in it thats fine but in the end I think adam sandler did a great job making grown ups 2 and to be honest you were my least favorite character in part 1 so screw you and how can u bash his comedy look at the gay ass movies you were in.

  18. Johnny

    Rob Schneider, Hmm where shall we go with this one…..
    Well well well ladies and Gents’, hmm’. So let’s just say that this is a true statement for keeps sake. Any person with half a brain will agree with you 100% percent of the time. Mass shootings, Newton, gun laws, terrorism, etc. those are all things that we unfortunately are a part of in the world we live in and I agree those issues need to be evaluated and changed for the better … But to say that , in respect to the shooting @ newton elementary, that now that you have brought a child in the world , that you now want to make a point against movies like this just shows your immaturity. Before this child was born , you were fine with 9/11, terrorism , gun laws?? A child has now made you re evaluate your moral compass. How can you really say that, now that you have a child you now realize these things are wrong, but before the birth of your child , they were fine, you never said a word then, so how do you react, you boycott basically the only movies and roles that you are known for. And you take shots at A.S. WOWW! The guy gives you role after role and this is how you re pay him. So grateful you are huh. We would all agree A.S.’s career has yes , slowed down , declined a bit, but even at it worst in terms of his career, your not even a blimp on the radar on your best day. The last thing you should have done was take a public shot at him, the only person who has given you role after role and given you a chance to be an actor . The choice you made to make these statements you should only hope A.S. Laughs it off pal, otherwise that boycott of yours and these statements of your will surely have crippled your career. Hope you saved enough money with these A.S. Movies to support your child, otherwise as it sounds, you won’t be making any money in the future , movie wise to support your family. Hey maybe you can be a Mexican landscaper as you were in 2 movies without A.S. ( movie with 2 retards playing baseball, and another in which your body switched with a young cute female), hope you paid attention how to use that lawn mower, and you can support your child on that $100 a day mowing lawns because you all of a sudden had a change of morals. Piece of advice, don’t bite the hand that feeds ya, keep your mouth shut, bc if A.S. Is annoyed by these statements your demand for playing an actor in any role, will be even more scarce as it is now, when the only thing you could get , was a golden spoon given to you from A.S. Such a bad bad move to write this letter or whatever the source of it is..
    P.S.-Again advice for all of you out there, take this idiots choice to write this as a lesson, DONT BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU!, and your daughter

  19. Sydney

    If you really hated it then don’t be in the 3rd one or don’t be in movies with Adam Sandler like really dude

  20. Rich Ryan

    all I have to say is Rob you are an absolute asshole to be bad talking in any way about Adam . You have been in like 15 movies BECAUSE of ADAM supporting you as what may very well have been a long time friendship . At this point with all your shit talking I hope your career goes to shit . You are a comedian actor and to bash Adam after all he has done for you is bullshit !!! I hope Adam doesn’t give you any more offers after your bullshit rant . I certainly know I wouldn’t even offer you a burp snart after all Adam did for you . You would most likely be no where with out Adams support .Flat out you are an ungreatful asshole who doesn’t appreciate all that Adam has done for you!!!!!

  21. James Oakley

    The person who write this blog, seems to be a complete pompous prick and probably has no real sense of humour. I wish people like you would just fuck off. Silly cunt. Sandler and Snieder films are awsome.

  22. T.J.

    What a jealous moron. What does Grown Ups 2 have to do with genocide or shootings or racism? Thanks for giving such a good answer, Deuce Bigalow.

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